“This sucks. What am I getting out of this?” asked my frustrated classmate.
In the generation and demographic that I’ve been born into, it is completely acceptable for people who are upset with something to look outward and question, “What am I getting out of this? And how can I get what I want?”
Asking these questions leads to the idolization of those who are the best at getting what they what want, by any means necessary. And an easy way to do this is to manipulate, consequently many of the people who are deemed “best” at getting what they want heavily rely on manipulation of others.
But it’s a sad truth, that this is only a quick fix. It looks good on the surface, but if you pay someone to be your friend, you won’t truly feel the power of friendship. If you convince someone that you treat poorly to stay in a relationship with you, you still won’t feel truly loved. If you force someone to do something that is to your liking, and not to hers or his, you won’t actually come closer to your goal.
What does this have to do with Party With Consent, though? Thanks for keeping me on topic. Consent, in a relationship context or a sexual context, is not something that you pay for, persuade with, or coerce someone into. Consent, in the way PWC hopes to convey it, is bigger than the legal understanding.
It’s a shared experience, not an exchange. It’s when both get more out than what they put in; it’s not a zero sum game. It’s something that is created, not manipulated.
And it’s not limited to sex. Panning back out. When I addressed my classmate, I shared that manipulating the stimulus around you to get what you want may bring what you want in the short term, but again, it’s not sustainable.
As ironic as it seems, manipulation of others is the biggest distraction towards sustainably getting what you want. Therefore I posed, “Rather than consider, ‘what I am getting out of this?’ Consider, ‘what is my own role in this frustration I’m feeling? And what can I do about?’”
It’s acceptable to look outward when we’re frustrated, but even with our most manipulative hand; we have extremely limited control of the world around us. Whereas, looking inward comes with fear and…well I’ll let Timo Cruz take this one.