When the consequence of rape culture is not rape

When the consequence of rape culture is not rape

By: Jonathan Kalin In building Party With Consent, I’ve heard from hundreds of amazing people who share their stories of when their consent was broken. While the majority of these end in some type of sexual assault, many of them don’t. Let me explain. A couple of years ago, a friend told me about an experience when her drink was laced with LSD. Unbeknownst to her at the time, she thought she was going crazy. She spent time with therapists and ended up transferring schools. She was never sexually assaulted. Or the story my friend told me about when she wanted to go on a conference to Paris and when asking her boss for permission, he explained she could only go if she wore “red hot pants”. She said no and wasn’t sexually assaulted by her boss. Or the stories of my friend who had to book group meetings with her boss because of the somewhat ambiguous advances he made towards her in one-on-one meetings. She stuck with the group meeting strategy and her boss left her alone. At times, discussion around preventing sexual assault leads to paralysis: “This happens behind closed doors, what can we do?” “We have to wait for the government/administration to do something.” “I can’t even start to understand how this is happening!” But the reality is rape culture is all around us and starts with objectification from very early development. When we begin to generalize those who are different from ourselves, we start thinking of them not as humans with unique emotions, feelings, and experiences, but rather objects or less than human. And when...
What the new California “Yes means yes” bill means for college students

What the new California “Yes means yes” bill means for college students

By: Jonathan Kalin As the leader of a sexual assault prevention group in college, I facilitated many discussions with my peers on the ways we think about sex, gender, and consent. One of our favorite discussion tools was called “The human barometer”. An activity where a facilitator would read a statement and all those who agreed would stand on one side of the room, all those who disagreed stood on the other side of the room and all those who were somewhere in the middle stood…somewhere in the middle! The statement “Consent is a verbal yes” would always have some students go towards disagree. Responses ranged, “You could be in a long-term relationship and don’t need to take things step-by-step,” or “You can read verbal cues and decide from there,” or in worst cases “It’s the girl’s job to say no, I go until she says no.” While the first two responses are true, we would remind students to always err on the side of communication. However, the last remark represented a fundamental flaw in the way we think about sexual consent. It’s this idea of sexual consent that we need to shift. Sex should not about be about “not getting raped”, it should be about enjoying yourself fully with all parties involved. Imagine if you go to a causal party, you’re not constantly going around alerting everyone of what would be a breach of your consent to ensure your own safety – you simply expect safety. As little as two years ago, I said that sexual consent is a verbal practice which involves a conversation made me out...
So close yet so far: Dangerous ideas on body culture within music

So close yet so far: Dangerous ideas on body culture within music

I’m sure by now you have heard (or at least heard of) the hit songs, “All About That Bass” and “Anaconda,” by Meghan Trainor and Nicki Minaj, respectively. Both artists claim that their tracks celebrate healthy body types and promote positive body image among young women, however, the reality is that these songs simply repackage old ways of talking about sex appeal. It is true that both songs glorify an alternative body type to the currently fetishized stick-thin waif. In the “Anaconda” video, Minaj proudly shakes her substantial butt, and Trainor boasts, “I ain’t no size two…/I see the magazine workin’ that Photoshop/we know that shit ain’t real/c’mon now make it stop.” This in-your-face self-confidence is refreshing; however, it is overshadowed and complicated by controversial measurements of self-worth. For starters, both artists affirm their attractiveness by assuring the consumer that their bodies are sexually desirable, implying that in order to feel good about oneself others must find one appealing. Minaj’s lyrics state, “… he love my sex appeal/because he don’t like ‘em boney, he want something he can grab… Yeah, he love this fat ass.” Similarly, Trainor coos, “’Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase/and all the right junk in all the right places… Yeah, my mama she told me don’t worry about your size/she says, ‘boys like a little more booty to hold at night.’” Another disconcerting aspect of both songs is that they champion curvier body types by putting down slim women. Minaj states, “Fuck those skinny bitches in the club/I wanna see all the big fat ass bitches in the motherfucking club,...
Union College invites PWC founder for Sexual Assault Awareness Week

Union College invites PWC founder for Sexual Assault Awareness Week

This past Thursday, Union students gathered on three separate occasions to hear from Jonathan Kalin. Although the projector failed, the first discussion took place before a crowd of over 60 students. Kalin opened the discussion with, “I never thought I’d be doing sexual assault prevention work and since I’m a man nobody else did either. In the following hour, I plan to explain to you all to the best of my ability why this is so important to me and is important to all of us.” The discussion ended with some passionate students looking for next steps to build the Party With Consent movement on their campus. Later in the evening, a smaller group of students gathered over dinner to go through the infamous “Introduction exercise” where participants are told to introduce themselves in 30 seconds without mentioning any people they know, places they’ve been, or work that they’ve done. This led to a broader conversation of how we objectify people based on what they are rather than who they are and how stereotyping exists on the spectrum of violence. And finally, Kalin shared his Party With Consent story before nearly 100 Union College athletes. His end goal was to connect lessons of accountability in athletics to lessons of accountability in our community. “What I learned about accountability on the basketball court is directly connected to why I created Party With Consent.” Interested in having Kalin, or another Party With Consent team member, speak at your campus? Reach out to us on our “Contact Us” page. Interested in building a Party With Consent chapter in your community? Reach out...
PWC Founder Speaks with Eastern Washington University Students

PWC Founder Speaks with Eastern Washington University Students

Kalin’s discussion was on three of the main topics at the core of Party With Consent: healthy masculinity, consent, and sexual violence prevention. The crowd of over 150 students did not just listen, but interacted with Kalin as he walked them through a couple of different exercises. The goal of the the talk was to inspire the students to be unafraid to take action. “Whether you’re a freshmen or a senior leader, there is always an action you can take to help build a community of consent. Whether it be challenging someone’s victim blaming attitudes, creating your own definition of gender expression, or actively stepping in as an upstander during a potentially dangerous situation.” Party With Consent is excited to continue this dialogue with Eastern Washington University who is looking to build a PWC chapter on their campus. Interested in having Kalin, or another Party With Consent team member, speak at your campus? Reach out to us on our “Contact Us” page. Interested in building a Party With Consent chapter in your community? Reach out to us on our “Contact Us” page! одежда оптом от производителя реєстрація торговельних марок...
(Party with) Consent is So Frat

(Party with) Consent is So Frat

By: Matt Leibowitz Party with Consent has done great work to bring a culture of consent to college parties. It empowers students to promote consent through fun, social events that are a large part of the college experience. We would like to show that not only is it fun to party with consent, but to support consent is the frat thing to do. Consent is So Frat encourages fraternity brothers to talk about consent with their chapters, and to promote it on their campuses. Fraternities are great at a lot of things – partying, philanthropy, rush and pledge – why not be great allies for stopping sexual assault as well? Consent is So Frat is an awareness campaign that seeks to promote a culture of consent within fraternities and the Greek system. We’ve been working to spread the message of consent through our Consent is So Frat Photo campaign and giving out tanks and t-shirts. We are also proud to announce the launch of our Campus Representative program that gives individual fraternity brothers the opportunity to promote Consent is So Frat at their school. A fraternity, as a community of brothers, is held together by a set of values (more than just the words we memorize during our pledge period). We become better men, through brotherhood, respect, honor and trust, making into better brothers and better people. The action of consent, asking and giving it, embodies the values we stand for. This is epitomized in Sigma Alpha Epsilon’s creed of The True Gentleman: The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of...

Party With Consent Founder Speaks to Colby College Freshmen

On August 28th, Jonathan Kalin spoke in front over 400 incoming Colby freshmen. The theme of Kalin’s talk was how his perspective on his own personal identity shifted over time. “When I first started college, I identified only as a basketball player…over the next four years, I realized I didn’t chose some of my most significant identities.” Connecting these realizations to the founding of the Party With Consent movement, Kalin explained male privilege, as the luxury of remaining oblivious (as defined by Tim Wise). He went on to tell that he would have never come to this realization if it were not for the many strong women and survivors of sexual assault who were patient with his ignorance. He concluded, “Talk, listen, be genuine and authentic with people who identify differently from you. I promise you’ll learn something about yourself.” Interested in having Kalin, or another Party With Consent team member, speak in your community? Reach out to us on our “Contact Us” page. download регистрация товарных знаков ополаскиватели для...

Innovation is Awesome, but what Question are We Solving?

By Jonathan Kalin My inboxes have been flooded with articles on a new innovative nail-polish that changes color when it comes into contact with rohypnol, xanax, and GHB. There’s always excitement when new ideas enter the sexual violence prevention space. For far too long, sexual violence prevention has come with a considerable amount of paralysis amongst men. And the fact that men are entering the discussion is awesome, but below are a couple of the lessons I learned that make me concerned about this particular innovation. 1) Roofies aren’t the weapon of choice. In David Lisak’s “Repeat Rape and Multiple Offending Among Undetected Rapists”. His research cites that alcohol, not rohypnol, xanax, and GHB, to be the weapon of choice. As Lisak states, “Alcohol was the weapon of choice for these men…They didn’t think what they had done was a crime.” We often tell women to cover their cup to protect themselves from date rape drugs, but as serious as the threat of a date rape drug is, Lisak’s research shows spiking punches and pressuring women into binge drinking is the real issue. 2) Are we really going to tell women to change their nail polish too? As men, we often forget how different the experience of partying is for us verses the experience of women. Men can roam aimlessly from party to party on their own. Men can drink as much as they’d like. Men can pass out where ever they please. Tim Wise explains that privilege is the “…luxury of remaining oblivious.” Women are not afforded this luxury. The blindness that male privilege provokes allows us, as men,...

Everybody Wants To See a Fire

By Christopher Millman Recently I was with hanging out with some of my friends at a friend’s house one night. One of the guys had to go to his car in the parking lot across the street, so another one of the guys made one last remark as he was departing. He said, “If you get raped yell fire…everyone wants to see a fire.” This casual comment is alarming for a few reasons. First, the fact it was so casually dropped into conversation shows that the extent to which our culture takes the issues around sexual assault seriously is not as high as it should be. When I asked my friend why he thought to say that, he claimed it is a common saying. For this to be a common saying in our culture, then it is normalized to downplay the seriousness of occurrences such as rape. This comment was meant to be funny, and was meant to suggest that there is no way that that would ever actually happen. By living in a society where it is so normalized to joke about issues of sexual assault and assume it doesn’t occur, there is limited education and discussion of prevention methods. Another alarming point of the comment is the truth that comes hidden in the part, “everyone wants to see a fire.” By adding this part, it insinuates that the person should yell “Fire!” because people would not want to come if the person yelled “Rape!” Rape is construed in our society as such a confusing, violent, and dirty event, that people would not want to become involved as...

California’s “Yes means Yes”

By Fritz Parker Lawmakers in California have recently announced legislation that would enact a uniform standard for consent education at the state’s publicly funded universities. But the most notable aspect of the legislation has nothing to do with the political uproar it has caused, and everything to do with the impact that it could have on the way that consent is framed on college campuses around the country. For a long time, the idea of consent has been communicated to young people as a set of proscriptions against certain sexually aggressive behaviors. Those lessons are well-intentioned, but at their best they are an ineffective means of talking about something which is by definition an active exchange of communication. At their worst, the old methods of teaching consent create an environment of inaction and confusion in which young people often don’t even know where to start when it comes to asking for or giving consent. What’s different about California’s ‘yes means yes’ legislation (as it has been dubbed) is that it enables students to be intentional and proactive about their sexual interactions – teaching them what to do instead of telling them what not to do. This is an important lesson for educators across the nation, and one that will inevitably lead to more engaged discussions about consent on college campuses, both in the official venues which administrators control and the informal ones which they do not. юридические услуги днепропетровск pillsbank.net/ зубная...